It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize