he puts the penis in happiness.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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