some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
