And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
