can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
