Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
