idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
