Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
