Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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