Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
