We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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