Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
