Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
