Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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