Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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