I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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