I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Semen is not good for contacts.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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