She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize