he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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