so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
did i walk over a car last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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