I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
