Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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