i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize