dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize