my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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