she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
