i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
