I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
