at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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