Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
