You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
