are you still at the devil's house?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
