sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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