turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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