I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
