I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
