Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
