and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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