is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
