normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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