My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
