shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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