I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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