remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
