I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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