some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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