dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
