I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
