I feel like abortions should bother me more
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize