Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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