I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
