Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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