Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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