He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
