It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
