I heard we made out
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
