I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
