I'm going to jail i love you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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