Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
