I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize