I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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