I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
