i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
