The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
