Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize