No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
