we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
